You're Cruel Tsuna!
by Z3R0S3V3N
Summary: TYL!Yamamoto couldn't stand being secluded in the dark any longer. He decided to pen his thoughts to his Boss.


Dear Tsuna,

You're cruel, did you know that? You're always constantly breaking my heart as though means nothing significant in your life. Why Tsuna? You constantly thank me for being there for you. Thanking me as though I'm a stranger. It hurts me the most Tsuna. I'm always here for you, you know. Be it in the past, present or the future. I will constantly be by your side so why must you thank me? I'll do anything for you, you know that?

I feel stupid do you know that Tsuna? Each time you thank me, all I did is to smile. No matter how hurt I was, I smile just for you. After all these years, we're still the same. We're stuck at the cross roads. Stuck being best friends and yet, each time the way you behave around me is as though we're complete strangers. How cruel! I really love you Tsuna. I want to be your first, your last, your everything and yet, you carelessly walk around and play with my heart. At this rate, we'll be nothing than just that.

Right now, I keep apologizing to myself. I feel so sorry for myself because I'm an idiot. After ten years of friendship, I finally decided to write this to you. Tell me, I'm stupid right? I guess Gokudera is right. I am a baseball idiot. How could you Tsuna? After all we've been through. I was driven into a corner alone and confused. It's your fault you know that Tsuna? You've constantly sending me mixed signals. Making me frustrated and vexed. One moment you say that you really like me. The next, you say we're just friends. What are you trying to do? Why are you sending my round in circles?

I realized if it's you, I couldn't stay mad at you forever. That's right, not matter how hurt I am, each time when I hear your voice, I feel like I can do a lot better. Why do I feel this way? That is because I'm in love with you. I can tell you everything that I know, turn against the family for you and tell you a secret that my dad doesn't know all this because I'm in love with you. You knew of my feelings for you and yet you act as if you don't care, act as if it doesn't matter. You hurt me deeper than you should time and time again. You told me you understand me. You told me that everything is going to be alright and yet, you played and toyed with my feelings acting as if it's one of those obsessive games of yours on your PSP.

I was the happiest man alive that day when you told me that you love me. The day that you confess to me, I was ecstatic. You were there smiling at me and after all these years, I couldn't still believe that you could still blush the same way you did ten years ago. Everything seems so right but I guess I was wrong. While I was in euphoria, Gokudera too was in a good mood. Of course, I had to open my mouth and ask.

Tsuna, why would you say the same thing to Gokudera as well? I thought that you and Gokudera are just friends. Oh, that's right. I'm no different as well right? After all, I'm just your friend and sometimes if it's convenient for you, you'll call me your best friend. Tell me, did Gokudera receive the same treatment as I did?

Why are you so cruel to me Tsuna? You're constantly sending me off in all sorts of direction leaving to figure everything on my own. I'm already confused as it is and yet you're adding ammunition to it. What did I do to deserve this Tsuna? Ten years has passed and nothing has changed between us. Until when are you going to hurt me like this? If you honestly don't see me that way then please tell me. Don't keep me waiting and getting my hopes up each time.

Tsuna, no matter how much you hurt me, I'm just glad it's you. I don't think I can hold it much longer if it's someone else. Thank you. No matter how cruel you are, you're always there for me. Remember back when we were in Nami-chuu were we just playing mafia against Squalo and the rest or the time when we were playing time travel to defeat Byakuran in the future? Those encouraging words you told me, were those lies? Back then when I wanted to commit suicide, whatever you told me, do you really mean it? Why do I doubt you Tsuna? I want to believe you so bad Tsuna. By now, everything is as clear as day. Your words and actions are often mix matched. At one moment you're there for me giving me your support and the next, you trample on my heart, my feelings. Why are you doing this to me?

We've been through many battles and no matter how deep they were, those battle wounds heal faster than my wounded heart. Why does it have to hurt so badly? Each time sempai treat my wounds, I keep asking him to heal my heart too but he say that it's not something he could do. Anyone care to explain why? If sempai couldn't heal my wounded heart what for I keep it, right Tsuna? It feels as though you've been messing with it since the day that we first met. Then, should I amputate my heart Tsuna? My heart is pretty useless right about now. Maybe after I amputate my heart, I could give it to you. Maybe, just maybe you will realize my strong feelings towards you.

There it is again! You're constantly thanking me for the little things I do. Saying that you're glad having me by your side whenever you need me. How could you smile like that Tsuna? What does your smile really mean? Are you putting on a mask again Tsuna? If you are, take it off. I'm starting to worry for you. I really love you. I'm in love with you Sawada Tsunayoshi. Why could you not seek for me when you in need of comfort? If it's you, I don't mind being use.

I always want to please you in whatever way that I can. I'm sure by now you would realize this. I would blindly follow you wherever you go without a question asked. I would voyage across the seven seas and work harder than anyone in the family so one day you could call me your most trusted and trust worthy guardian. I've been enduring the pains from the recent battles and missions on top of the pain that you inflicted on me; I did a good job right? Do I deserve your love and attention now? Please don't turn a blind eye on me, Tsuna.

I'm mad at you do you know that? I'm mad at you because I can't stay mad at you forever. I'm sorry Tsuna. I really love you. I love you more than I should. Is that so wrong?

It's not fair! It's not fair Tsuna! You straightaway knew that I was hiding something when I tried to be strong. After all this years, I thought that I could finally hide something from you but you, the second you look at me, you knew that I was hiding things from you. From one look you know that I was feeling down and disturbed, upset and worried. That is when you came to my rescue. For once I was the damsel in distress. Ironic huh? You were there first with your arms extended to me and that warm smile for me telling me everything is going to be alright.

I still keep our late night text by the way Tsuna. Your night text have saved me countless of times. At night when I couldn't sleep or getting nervous before missions, I re-read our late night conversation on my phone to put myself at ease; thank you. Sometimes I feel that these late night texts are the only time when you're truthful to yourself and me. Why couldn't you keep this up during the day? Is there something missing here? What are you hiding from me, Tsuna? You're cruel, do you know that? Leaving me like this. At times like this I want to cry. I don't know why but I already feel the sting in my eyes because of the tears flowing freely out of me.

I don't get it.

I'm a hitman yet I cry each time at the mere thought of you leaving me crosses my mind. Why do I have to be so weak? Honestly, at times when I feel as though my heart is about to explode, I ask myself, wouldn't it be great if I'm living in a world of illusion where everything is what it seems, a world that goes exactly the way I wanted it to be? Yes, I despise illusions but if it means saving this wretched heart of mine, should I go for it?

Sawada Tsunayoshi, Vongola Decimo, at the age of 24, you are capable of having thousands of man under your hands, able to swoon the ladies without breaking a sweat and with one glance from a person you could already tell almost everything, what is he hiding, his weakness and definitely fight single handedly against many rival families. You are no doubt, the most capable man here in Italia. The complete opposite compared to ten years ago. I wonder now, is there something I can do for you? I feel so weak and helpless now.

Everything about you is cruel Tsuna. The suave game you play, the looks you have, the fact that with a snap of your fingers you can get whatever you want. I'm just afraid that one day when you realized that I have no use for you, you could dispose me. That is why I work so hard to please you Tsuna. I was so afraid of getting replaced. Even Lambo is proving himself worthy of being the Vongola lightning guardian. As soon as Lambo finishes high school, he would officially take over the role as Vongola lightning guardian. Even though Lambo is helping you part time, he is constantly showered with praises. I'm jealous.

I can always smile no matter what happen but the truth is; deep inside I'm constantly being hurt by your cruel actions acting as though we're strangers then, being best of friends to find out that we're just friends. You made me run in circles and for the first time, all this running is making me exhausted. I want to know what is going on. Why am I being secluded again? It's not fair to be left in the dark Tsuna! You are just cruel.

I'm sorry, Tsuna. It's just that I love you. I just don't want to be left out in the dark by the person that I love, you know? Use me Tsuna. Be it for your comfort, run errands, if it's you I'll be glad to do it. If it's not to troublesome, maybe you could fall in love with me the same way I did with you? I'll be glad if you could fall in love with me not because of I'm asking you to but out of free will. What do you say Tsuna? Will you give it a go?

Tsuna, I'm reaching the end of my letter to you. I hope you would open up your eyes and heart to see my true feelings for you. I don't want to be misguided, mistreated anymore. What I have pen down today are all my bottled up feelings towards you. I know that I'm an idiot that get confused easily. Despite that I know the true Tsuna is still somewhere inside knowing that we could be more than a stranger, a friend, a best friend and a family.

Love,

_Yamamoto Takeshi_

_Vongola Rain Guardian_

**A/N: So.. yeah that's the end. I'm supposed to write a sequel to I Miss You, I Miss You Tsuna (go check it out if you haven't read it! XD) then I end up writing this maybe I should haggle the deadline a bit. So yeah.. Should I write a response from Tsuna for this fanfic? Hmm Oh! Before I forget, I don't own KHR!.. Oh! Rate & Review please! So yeah… Thanks for reading! (: **


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